Disappointment

Isn't disappointment the worst feeling of them all? Well, let me preface this by saying that I'm not ENTIRELY disappointed...it's more like 60/40.... maybe 40/60... But disappointment does exist. Some days it is so hard for me to accept that I may not ever understand the 'why' of our lives--even though it doesn't really change anything. Explanation: One year ago I was accepted to Quinnipiac University. It was our number one choice. It is located in the gorgeous area of Hartford, CT, and shared labs as well as rotation sites with Yale medical and PA students. I was Thrilled, to say the least. That school is currently ranked at number 9 out of the 155 programs nationwide--and I got in! But it didn't feel right. So, we came out here to the suburbs of Chicago where I attend another fine institution--I can't complain, and I find out WE have a rotation site out THERE (CT) -- where I have longed to be! Naturally, I applied.I thought, wow--how perfect. Perhaps we are here because Alan was going to get this job with BoA and we could then transfer out there... We can move out east and live our dream! Aaahhhh.... That's where the disappointment comes in.

I got my rotation schedule for the next year today. I was soooo excited. They had us fill out a demographic sheet to help them place us in the best sites for our needs. Here were my top 3 petitions:

1. Norwolk, CT (it's the dream surgical site!, and I wanted as much exposure into CardioThoracic surgery as I could get....Heart Surgery-YAYA!)

2. Any intense Peds rotation where I can have lots of exposure to Neonatology, and

3. I prefer hospital based medicine

Here's what they gave me:

1. Only two rotations in a hospital; all the others are off site clinic settings

2. A peds rotation located in a plaza between a Little Caesar's Pizza and a liquor store (I think) and

3. NOT Connecticut, but rather a surgical site in Indiana where I will be living in an actual hospital room for the entire time. I suppose I am just grateful it should be an intense surgical site anyways. They have subspecialties in Ortho and plastic surgery... no hearts. well, at least they're not known for that.

I think maybe the Lord is trying to tell me to get CT out of my head. Or to forget about CardioThoracic surgery? Nah! :) On the positive side- I was surprised to see that I did get a rather intense Woman's Health OB/GYN rotation where I will be performing pelvic exams, paps and routine OB visits , and also be assisting in Vaginal Hysterectomies, C-sections, and many kinds of laparoscopic procedures. I have had amounting interest in the field of woman's health, and find it interesting that while none of my requests were met--This seems to be the "Jackpot" of Woman's health. I'm super excited about that! I will be in the city for many of my rotations. I think my experience in Emergency Medicine in Chicago proper will be pretty fun-filled! John H Stroger Hospital is a Level 1 Trauma Center, so.... should be neat. Anyhow--probably more than you care to know, but this only happens once, and I thought I should put down how I'm feeling about it. I am so excited and nervous. I know that the Lord has a plan for us--and I will take something important from each of my rotation sites. I just have to have an attitude of learning, and accept that the Lord will guide us to where we really should be. Maybe we are needed here in Chicago- Maybe we'll get our chance out East when I start working. Who knows! But for now--be excited! I get out of the classroom!!!!

Time to get back to work... Hope you're all having a good day and that you don't let the little things disappoint too much. Cuz there are a whole lot of Great things still happening! We just have to see the good, right?! Who knows--maybe my calling in life is delivering babies:) I'll keep you posted as the mysteries unfold.